I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize