if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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