I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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