At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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