Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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