I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
