Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
