I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
