My sheets look like a crime scene.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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