Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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