You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
How's work?
Spinning.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
