I just pynch a tree in the face
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
ok first of all what the fuck
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
