were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize