it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
So much Jack, so little girl.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
