I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
she told me i tasted like america
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
