My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Randomize