sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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