god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
