nut hugger
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
