I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
It's rum buckets o'clock
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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