Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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