i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
