Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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