I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize