My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
