Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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