My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
