i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
