My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
