Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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