hell yes lets make some ravioli
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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