separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
