FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize