I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
