Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Drunk is not a location!
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
