I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
