He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
