I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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