if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
