Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
