Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Do you still have your period?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
