walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
