Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Randomize
