hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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