I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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