Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
