She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
