i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Randomize