i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
