i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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