Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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