I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
