Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
In America we eat man semen.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
