worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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