ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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