First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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