don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
