Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize
