And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize