Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
