My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
