I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Randomize
