His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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