party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
