I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
