I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Randomize
