I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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