I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
