sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
