she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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