Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
