you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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