At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
