end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
