We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
