just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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