i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
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