ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
