So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
