I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
