i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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