I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
