I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
