so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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