i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
