I think im going to throw up on grandma
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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