I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize