apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
