At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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