I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
