Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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