who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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