The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
