Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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