then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
