i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
