how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
