I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
