Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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