I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
