i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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