oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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