Barsexuality is the new black.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
