got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
