So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize