9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
