I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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