Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
